What to Do When Someone Likes You but You Like Yheir Friend

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Often times in life you will meet people who like or have feelings for you that are not reciprocated. Information technology tin exist awkward when these people are your classmates or coworkers, in particular, as you must find means to collaborate with them that are cordial and polite without inviting in unnecessary contact. Through monitoring your interactions, addressing the outcome and setting boundaries, yous tin learn to reply accordingly to those who take feelings for you that you don't accept in return.

1. 1

   Limit alone time. One way to distance yourself from the person who likes you is to restrict the times you spend with them by yourself. Feelings often develop and progress the more fourth dimension that we spend alone with someone, but you can prevent this from happening to a certain extent.

   • If they ask to become to lunch with yous, tell them that you have other plans or invite others to go with you.
   • If you are required to piece of work in pairs on a project, effort to select a partner every bit chop-chop as possible and then that the person who likes you doesn't choice you.
   • Hang out in groups. Sometimes, you cannot avoid the person who likes you. Perhaps you lot work in a small part or go to a small school. In these cases, ensure that any time spent in proximity to the person who likes you is spent in the presence of others, also.

2. ii

   Be cordial. At that place is no need to be rude to someone just because they like y'all unless they have acted rudely or inappropriately. This person probable has feelings for you, so existence cordial and polite to them will avoid any unnecessary hurt on their part and will also keep your conscience make clean in relation to your dealings with them.^[i]

   • For example, if they greet you with a "good morning, beautiful" you lot tin can but say "good morning" to them very politely and go on walking to your destination.

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3. 3

   Don't be flirtatious. Even if you do non like this person, it is withal flattering to know that someone has a crush on yous, making it piece of cake to play into it occasionally. Notwithstanding, such should be avoided equally it tin can cause confusion and produce mixed signals, which will likely cause their behavior to keep and their feelings to deepen.

   • Don't laugh excessively at their jokes.
   • Don't be touchy feely. Avert touching them unless absolutely necessary.
   • Don't compliment them unless related to work or school. Whatever other compliments could be misconstrued as flirting. For instance, you could tell them "great chore on that project!" at work or school equally opposed to complimenting their looks or intellect.

4. iv

   Don't be overly responsive. Responding to texts or calls consistently and enthusiastically can send the wrong message. If they text you lot well-nigh piece of work or school, answer to their message directly and succinctly. If they text or call you about non-work or school related issues, it may be best to not respond or to discover a style to end the chat.

   • For instance, if they text y'all something similar "what's up?" you could respond past maxim "I'm a bit busy right now, encounter yous at work tomorrow!"
   • Repeat back things the person says to you to evidence them that yous're at to the lowest degree listening.^[two]

5. 5

   Keep your emotions in check. Being around someone who likes you who yous don't like tin be stressful. You may feel nervous, guilty, or even annoyed. When you come across them, do your best to go along these emotions in check. A person who likes you lot is looking for an emotional response from y'all; don't give information technology to them.

   • Monitor your facial expressions. Don't frown or grinning also broadly when you see them.^[three]
   • If you lot feel nervous, take a few deep breaths and sit down for a few moments.

6. 6

   Ask your friends for help. If your friends know about the crush and know that yous don't like the person, they will probable help you avoid interacting with them. If they see the person approaching you, they tin can intervene by either pulling yous away or by interacting with both of you so y'all don't accept to be lonely with them.

   • If your friends are non around and you are alone with the person, yous can text them and enquire them to telephone call you instead, therefore giving you lot an "exit" from the situation.

7. 7

   Requite them some space. Mayhap the person who likes you is someone who you like as well, just not in a romantic mode. These situations tin can be tricky because yous notwithstanding want to see the person merely you lot don't want to lead them on or cause them to misconstrue your actions. In these instances, give the person some space from you lot.

   • Don't initiate contact with them unless necessary.
   • If your common friends are going out and you know the person volition be present, take a raincheck for a while. Over time, their feelings may dissipate.

8. eight

   Restrict your social media interactions. If you are not friends with this person on Facebook or if you have an Instagram or Twitter, consider making your accounts private and so they can't see your pictures or read your posts.

   • If you are already friends, don't delete or block them unless they are stalking you or commenting on every i of your posts. You lot can, withal, restrict what they can see on some accounts. For example, on Facebook in the sharing settings, you can choose who can or cannot run across what you postal service.

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1. 1

   Pull them aside to accept a talk. You lot may find that simply limiting your interactions with them is not plenty. Even if yous feel that you accept been clear through your actions that you don't desire a relationship with this person, some people need to hear that directly. This will quell any confusion or doubt well-nigh your affections on their part.

   • You may begin the topic past saying something like "I get the feeling that, and please right me if I'thou wrong, that y'all may have a crush on me. I want to permit yous know, that while I am flattered, I am non interested in the same fashion. I hope that you sympathise."
   • Be swift! If the person is making information technology clear that they like you, don't permit their feelings linger. Talk to them as soon equally possible.^[4]

2. 2

   Be honest. During these conversations, it can be easy to backtrack or sugarcoat as non to hurt any feelings. However, this will non be helpful in the long run. Be very honest with the person and careful not to tell whatsoever white lies.

   • For instance, many people make the mistake of using the excuse "I'm dating someone" to avoid unwanted contact from someone else. You should go far clear to the person that yous are non interested, regardless of your relationship status.
   • Don't exist dramatic. Though this person may like you, if they are reasonable, they will understand. Likewise, though you are certainly likeable, this is not the terminate of the world for them.

3. three

   Have responsibility if necessary. Think most if you take led them on in the past, if you have spent a lot of unnecessary fourth dimension with them alone, accepted gifts from them, or flirted in any way. When y'all talk to them, you should repent for your role in the confusion.

   • For example, upon thinking back on your human relationship, you lot may realize that y'all have been flirtatious in the by. Yous could say something like "I know that in the past I have flirted with you lot, and I want to apologize for that. Sometimes I tin be flirtatious, merely I realize that I must have given y'all the wrong idea and I am sorry."

4. 4

   Apply "I" statements. Rather than saying what you lot don't like about them, focus on why you personally don't want to be with them. "I" statements tend to sound less accusatory and frequently result in the other party feeling less defensive than when using "you lot" statements, while still carrying the bulletin you desire to say.

   • For example, rather than saying "You lot human activity foreign to me" you lot can say something like "I but don't have feelings for y'all in that style". There is no need to make them feel bad virtually themselves.

5. five

   Offer friendship. If yous genuinely like this person as a friend, offer your friendship to them. This volition allow the both of you lot to progress politely and kindly simply in a non-romantic fashion.

   • You lot can say something like "fifty-fifty though I am non interested in beingness in a human relationship, I think that we could move more towards a friendship with ane another" and see how they respond.
   • However, yous must be prepared for them to potentially plow downwardly your offer. Their feelings for you may be as well strong to accept friendship. If they tell you this, thank them for their honesty and respect their wishes.

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1. 1

   Don't answer to texts or calls after a certain time. Accepting a call after work from a coworker or after 10PM in full general could send a mixed signal. Instead, if you feel it necessary, return their phone call the next day during daylight hours.

   • Don't answer drunk texts or calls.

2. ii

   Stay firm. Don't let sympathy for them to cause you to backtrack on your word. Remind yourself of the conversation you had with them. It is unkind to feed into their feelings if yous don't feel the same way about them. Bear witness them kindness by honoring your word and holding firm to your commitments.

   • For instance, if they person calls you asking to reconsider, firmly remind them that you do not take feelings for them in that way. They need time to become over you, and giving them simulated hope won't help either one of you.

3. 3

   Give yourself permission. Don't let guilt over your unreciprocated feelings to eat you lot. Your feelings are valid and it is okay to not similar someone. Remind yourself that anybody is not for you and focus instead on your own happiness. ^[five]

   • If you feel badly about your decision, put yourself in their shoes. Would you want someone to exist with you out of guilt or compassion? Of course not! Proceed to focus on yourself and

4. 4

   Don't ignore them. Though it can be like shooting fish in a barrel to want to avoid this person at all costs to prevent awkward situations, this may hurt their feelings and crusade them to seek you out fifty-fifty more. If you see them coming towards you lot, greet them and keep it moving.

   • Not ignoring them does not hateful that yous have to linger, nevertheless. Keep your chat to a minimum while nonetheless acknowledging their presence.

5. 5

   Don't speak badly about them to others. If this person is annoying, hateful, or continues to make passes at you lot, it can be easy to want to gossip about them to others. However, focus instead on continuing to show them kindness and not calculation fuel to the fire.

   • Take special focus on non badmouthing them to coworkers; this will crusade even more problems for you if you work together.

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• Question

  How practise y'all talk to a slow person?

  

  Dr. Jennifer Guttman, is a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, Clinical Psychologist, and the Founder of the Sustainable Life Satisfaction®, a motivational and lifestyle platform. With over thirty years of feel and do in New York City and Westport, Dr. Guttman specializes in treating people struggling with acute behavioral disorders stemming from anxiety, depression, stress, attending deficit, and phobias. She holds a Available'due south caste in Psychology from Drew Academy and a Doc of Psychology from Long Island University. Dr. Guttman is the writer of "A Path To Life Satisfaction Workbook (2018)," a monthly blog contributor to Psychology Today and Thrive Global, and a contributor to articles in major publications, media sites, and podcasts including The Washington Postal service, Reader'due south Digest, Redbook, Teen Faddy, Wellness, mindbodygreen.com, Harvesting Happiness, and Unshakable Self-Confidence.

  

  Licensed Clinical Psychologist

  Adept Respond

  Endeavor to act respectful and open throughout the conversation. Don't whorl your optics, await abroad, or act like you lot'd rather be someplace else; instead, maintain eye contact, smile, and laugh appropriately.

• Question

  Why should you be dainty to others?

  

  Dr. Jennifer Guttman, is a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, Clinical Psychologist, and the Founder of the Sustainable Life Satisfaction®, a motivational and lifestyle platform. With over thirty years of feel and practice in New York City and Westport, Dr. Guttman specializes in treating people struggling with astute behavioral disorders stemming from anxiety, depression, stress, attending arrears, and phobias. She holds a Available's degree in Psychology from Drew Academy and a Doctor of Psychology from Long Isle University. Dr. Guttman is the author of "A Path To Life Satisfaction Workbook (2018)," a monthly blog contributor to Psychology Today and Thrive Global, and a correspondent to articles in major publications, media sites, and podcasts including The Washington Post, Reader's Digest, Redbook, Teen Vogue, Health, mindbodygreen.com, Harvesting Happiness, and Unshakable Self-Confidence.

  

  Licensed Clinical Psychologist

  Expert Answer

  Behaving with integrity, kindness, and respect speaks volumes about how nosotros respect ourselves and others.

• Question

  What if the person is younger than me?

  

  The age gap between you lot and another individual should non end you from acting cordial or appropriate, and so information technology won't matter.

• Question

  What if I caused them to suspension up with some other person?

  

  If yous mean that this person broke upwardly with their boy/girlfriend because they liked yous, that's not your fault (bold you didn't lead him/her on). There's actually nothing you can do about, except be dainty to everyone involved, and don't get involved in anyone's drama.

• Question

  What if they are in the same class as me?

  

  Try to ignore them, or only respond with one word answers like "yes" or "no".

• Question

  What if I already told them to dorsum off, but afterwards a while I realized that it was rude, just I know if I commencement talking to them once more it will requite them false promise?

  

  Bold this is merely an acquaintance, or someone you don't actually want/need to have in your life, merely leave things as they are. Yous're right, if you try to apologize, etc., they might go the incorrect thought. If information technology'due south someone y'all'd similar to be friends with, yous could try saying something like, "I hope I wasn't too harsh when nosotros talked the other day. I practise like you as a friend, I but don't see annihilation more happening between usa."

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• Speak to a supervisor if necessary. You may notice that, despite taking all of these steps that the unwanted attention has non stopped. In these circumstances, information technology may exist necessary to speak to a supervisor, teacher, or other authority figure about the issue.

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• Don't requite them hope for a human relationship in the futurity if you know there is no potential for one.

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Commodity Summary X

If you take to hang out with someone who likes you but y'all don't like them dorsum, yous tin can make things less awkward past beingness civil and setting some clear boundaries. Avert beingness overly responsive whenever they text or telephone call you so you don't transport the wrong message. Make your social media accounts private or restrict what they can see so they're not involved in your personal life at all. You should likewise be extra careful about acting flirty around them, even if y'all don't mean it, and so they don't become the incorrect idea. Avert being touchy with them, laughing excessively at their jokes, and complimenting their appearance a lot. If they're however not taking the hint, proceed your distance from them and avoid any unnecessary contact until their feelings dissipate. For tips on how to tell someone you're non interested in them, keep reading.

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